By Thomas Riggins
Our organization, the Louisiana Purchase Return Committee has been formed to facilitate the return of the Louisiana Purchase to its rightful owner France.
Research shows that neither President Jefferson nor Napoleon Bonaparte were authorized to acquire on the one hand or to sell on the other the Louisiana Purchase[LP].
We demand the immediate return of the States of Louisiana, Missouri, Arkansas, Iowa, North and South Dakota, Nebraska and Oklahoma to our true Fatherland-- France. We also maintain that all so-called American citizens living in the LP are actually, by right, French citizens.
There are many benefits to be gained by the population of the LP having their land, illegally sold by Napoleon, returned to France and their rightful French citizenship restored to them.
For example-- they will have a better system of health care as French people. Everyone will be covered by medical insurance and will have affordable prescriptions as well. In addition high quality French wines will be readily available for consumption, replacing the California swill that passes for wine in the American occupied LP.
The educational system will aso be vastly improved. It is well known that the French have a superior educational system-- a French 10th grade drop out scores higher on average on tests of general knowledge, culture and science than do American college graduates. The people of the LP have the right to be French and the American government and the Bush administration can no longer deny them their true citizenship.
Older people living in the LP will also have a better time of it being French than at present. The French do not have a "Social Security" crises. French people have better pensions and retirement incomes than do the people living in the illegally occupied LP. In the America of today 850,000 elderly people are in dire poverty even with their social security benefits. Many of them are really French people forced to be Americans because of the illegal occupation. The return of the LP to France would be a boon to them.
The French also take care of their veterans better than the American government takes care of theirs. Instead of serving in the National Guard and finding yourself sent to Iraq, the young men and women of the LP will be able to join the French army. Provisions may also be made to allow the American-French to join the Foreign Legion which is certainly more romantic than the National Guard.
Speaking of Romance-- we all know that the French are much more romantic than the inhibited and uptight evangelical population of the LP. By becoming French both the men and women living in French America will acquire the mystique of the passionate French lover.
The LP states will all become overseas departments of France with all the rights of French people. This means a more democratic system than they now live under. Presently they are subject to "red state terrorism"-- their science text books have nasty little stickers put in them attacking evolution and their public officials are elected in undemocratic winner take all elections, As French people we will have proportional representation and dozens of parties to choose from-- all will represented in the Parliament in Paris.
Workers will also be better off-- with guaranteed unemployment insurance, strong unions, many controlled by communists who don’t fool around with workers rights, and six week vacations instead of the measly two weeks Americans get.
The people in the LP will also be paid in Euros not the weak and declining dollar. So, better food, better wine, better cheese, better movies (you can’t beat the art house French movie industry instead the violent shoot em up Hollywood junk), better love making, better working conditions, better health, better money, etc., etc.
I think the case has been made that the population of the LP will be 100% better off if they are French and they should now organize, demand that France return the $27,267,622 they were paid for the LP, they should also demand the right of return so that any present day citizen in the LP can go to France and be instantly given French citizenship. American French people, the time has come to break out the Chardonnay, start singing the Marseillaise, raise the Tricolor and tell the US government au revoir.
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